Day 82 & 83:: Let's Talk About Love

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1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

***

What better way than to follow up a chapter about the Biblical view of sex with a Scriptural perspective on love? God's kind of love is the kind that applies to every relationship. It's an unconditional, unselfish love that demonstrates how we should treat our parents, our children, our friends, even the stranger on the street. It is equally applicable in romantic relationships. It's the kind of love that never fails, even when we screw up. It is a perfect love. And I'm going to pick it apart, trait by trait.

Love is patient and kind.

Patience is sometimes an elusive virtue for me. I'm sure it is for most people, but I've known a few who seem to have an unending supply, and it just amazes me. No matter how stressful life gets, though, it's no excuse for getting short tempered or being mean to someone. We all know how it feels to be snapped at by someone we love and trust. It hurts our feelings! Why would we ever want to do that to someone else? 

Consider how patient God has been with us. No matter how I try to live a life that pleases Him, I'm constantly screwing up. I can't go an hour without doing something wrong. I can't help but think of when my girls were small. They were just kids, doing what kids do, and it seemed like their little brains couldn't remember from one minute to the next what was right and what wasn't. It's frustrating, raising kids! They push their boundaries constantly, trying to see just how much they can get away with! How far they can go before they get caught; How much can they get away with before Mom steps in and punishes them.

That's exactly what we do to God. And unlike children, we don't grow up and grow out of it, or reach an age where we no longer have to obey the rules of the house. From the day we accept Christ as our Savior, we become the children of God, and obedience to our Heavenly Father is a life long commitment. One that we constantly fail at keeping, I might add. Yet He continues to be patient with us, always loving us, never kicking us to the curb. Even when we anger Him, He provides our needs. It's a kindness we should learn to emulate!

Love doesn't demand it's own way.

Sometimes it's hard not to make demands. Face it, we're human, and we want what we want. Our wants may not always be such a bad thing, but they should always be weighed against the needs of those around us. If we have to fight to get our way about something, have we really won? Or have we only succeeded in making someone else feel used, resentful, or just plain overwhelmed?

Even God doesn't demand His own way with us. He commands, but doesn't demand. He allows us the freedom to make right or wrong choices. Although we should conform to His will, He isn't going to force us to do anything against our own. He wants our devotion to Him to be totally of our own accord. If He manipulated us like puppets on strings, our "love" for Him would be meaningless. 

Love is not Jealous.

A few years ago, my husband and I went bowling with a couple of friends from church. We were having a great time, as we always did. If you've ever been bowling, you know that three strikes is called a turkey. Well, my friend had gotten a turkey. My husband's turn was up, and he had two strikes in a row. Their scores were very close, and a turkey would push Mark ahead by a few points. He stood there at the end of the lane and lined the ball up perfectly, but something went wrong. He missed the strike. Oh!!!! We were all laughing about how he'd been robbed, and as he pretended to complain about not getting a turkey like our friend had, I shouted playfully "Thou shalt not covet thy friend's turkey!"

It was all fun and games, and there were no serious rivalries. But sometimes in life, we do get jealous of others. Maybe a friend is able to buy a beautiful new car, while we are nearly having to push start our own mode of transportation every day. Perhaps you just lost a well deserved promotion to a co-worker that hadn't earned it. Any number of things could inflame the little green-eyed monster within us. But is that fair? Would we rather our friend drive an old clunker just to make us feel better? Of course not! It might be tempting to resent the co-worker, but to what end? It's not going to hurt the other guy as much as it gnaws at us, eating a hole into our own peace of mind, right?

No matter who it is, we don't have the right to be jealous. God gives out blessings according to His purpose. If you're wasting your time being jealous over someone else's blessing, you might not be paying attention when God tries to offer you an even better one.

Love is not boastful, proud or rude.

Don't you hate it when someone goes around patting them self on the back all the time? It's as if they can't get enough attention. They must suffer from some inadequacy that makes them want everyone to notice whatever greatness they've accomplished. Or how about when someone always makes snide remarks at the expense of others. They think they are being clever or witty. It's like a bully. Their ability to feel good about themselves is directly linked to how bad they can make others feel.

You and I, we're just little mosquitoes in the big picture. God has created this entire universe. He knows exactly how many gallons of water are in the sea, He knows the very temperature of the molten lava bubbling beneath the surface of the earth. He hung the sun, the moon, and every star, and He designed the human body, this immensely complex and complicated machine that couldn't possibly be duplicated at random. Who are we in comparison to that kind of greatness? We're nothing. But does God belittle you? Does He put you down and make you feel worthless? No! God's in the business of lifting us up and giving us life, not stepping on us like ants. 

Love isn't irritable and keeps no record of wrongs.

I am sure this happens in all kinds of relationships, but marriage comes to my mind first with this one. It's so easy to let little hurts and grievances build up in us as we share our lives with someone. And it really is usually the little things. They just pile up one on top of the other until they become one big huge thing, and it so often results in divorce.

Back in the 1960s, there was a movie called Love Story, starring Ryan O'Neil and Ally McGraw. An epic romance, this film has been a favorite for generations. There is a line that was made famous in that movie, and is still often quoted today. As his young wife lays on her death bed, Ryan's character is apologizing for all the things they never got to do, and Ally's character says "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

It's a nice sentiment, but it's wrong. Love means knowing when to say you're sorry. It's also being able to forgive. God's love is so complete that it doesn't keep track of how many times we make a mess of things. When we say we're sorry to God, He takes our mistake and throws it as far as the east is from the west, and remembers it no more. He totally forgets it. We tend to be less apt to forget things, but we should forgive as readily as God does. And our forgiveness should be just as complete. Even if we don't forget what our loved one did, once we say we've forgiven the incident, we never have the right to bring it back up.

Love rejoices in truth, not in injustice.

I read a story once that touched my heart. It would touch anyone's, so I'm going to share it, as best as I can remember it. The story was about some kids in school. I'm not sure where this school was, because caning has never been legal in the US during my lifetime, but in this story, the penalty for theft was 10 strikes across the back with a rod.

One day, a student we'll call Tom, who was the biggest boy in the class came in, angry that his lunch had been stolen. After some investigation, it was determined that Little Timmy was the culprit. The teacher called Timmy to the front of the class and asked if he understood the consequences for his actions. Timmy did, and the teacher told him to remove his shirt. Reluctantly, he did. The teacher and the entire class sucked in a collective breath. The boy was skin and bones.

The teacher knew he had to carry out the punishment, but he sure didn't want to. He asked Timmy why he'd stolen. Quietly, the little boy said that he had no father, and that his mother was barely making ends meet. She hadn't been able to afford to buy groceries, and he hadn't eaten anything in two days. You could have heard a pin drop in the room. After a moment, Tom, the big guy whose lunch Timmy had stolen, asked the teacher, "Sir, the rules say that the punishment for stealing is ten licks with the rod. But does it say who has to get the licks?" The teacher thought about this for a moment, and replied that the rules didn't specify. Tom came forward then and removed his shirt. "Sir, can I take Timmy's punishment for him?"

That's love. Timmy was deserving of the punishment, and Tom had every right to demand justice be carried out. But he wasn't going to get any satisfaction seeing the younger student get caned. The truth was, there had been a wrong committed, and a punishment must be dealt. The truth also was that it didn't matter who took the beating, and for that, Tom rejoiced, and took Timmy's place.

That's exactly what Jesus did for us, too. So next time you feel a little smug about how "karma" or whatever is placing a well deserved bite on someone else's backside, you think about Tom and Timmy, and then rejoice in how Jesus spared you the penalty for the crap you've done. Maybe you'll have a little more compassion on the person who did you wrong. After all, you don't know what led them to do what they did.

Love never gives up and loses faith, because love always has hope enough to endure.

It's what separates real love from selfishness. It's what makes us capable of enduring for a lifetime what most people would throw away out of boredom. It's what binds a parent to a child, and what ensures that a marriage will last til death parts a husband from a wife. It's the impulse that drives a stranger to rescue a child that has fallen into a wash of raging flood waters. It's the compassion that prompts someone to buy lunch for a person who has no home.

It's God's kind of love, and His love is perfect.

Day 49: Love Outside The Box

Isaiah 8:11-15

New Living Translation (NLT)

A Call to Trust the Lord

¹¹ The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does. He said,

By DPic (Own work) CC-BY-SA-3.0-us  

¹² “Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do,
    and don’t live in dread of what frightens them.
¹³ Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life.
    He is the one you should fear.
He is the one who should make you tremble.
¹⁴     He will keep you safe.
But to Israel and Judah
    he will be a stone that makes people stumble,
    a rock that makes them fall.
And for the people of Jerusalem
    he will be a trap and a snare.
¹⁵ Many will stumble and fall,
    never to rise again.
    They will be snared and captured.”

***

I have always wondered why the Bible has referred to Jesus as not only the cornerstone of a strong foundation, but as a rock that would cause even His own to stumble. Israel and Judah, although they were stubborn and rebellious (just like we are) were God's chosen people. They were God's children, just as anyone who accepts Christ as Savior becomes grafted in and adopted into His own family. So why would God want to trip His own kids?

He doesn't! That's not what this is about, and I'm finally starting to make sense of the words. I'm sure if God had inspired holy men to take dictation for Him in this day and age, it would have been worded much differently so people like me wouldn't have such a hard time grasping the context.

This passage isn't about God causing us to stumble. Instead, it is a clear call for us to quit thinking the way the secular world thinks and experience the kind of devine love that only He can provide. 

Or put another way, we need to think outside the box, because God loves outside the box.

Consider this. We all know that rules made to be followed, right? But I remember back when I was young and rebellious, my friends and I adopted this motto that we thought we cleverly thought up; Rules are made to be bent... or broken, depending. As I've grown older and wiser, I've heard my children say the same thing. I'm sure my grandchildren will be saying it by the time they're old enough to read this. And I'd be willing to bet that my parents, my grandparents, and every other generation before me all thought that they invented the phrase. So, what's my point?

This is my point. When people are doing what they know is right, they generally understand that the rules are for our own good. A law that restricts us from breaking into someone's house in the middle of the night is going to save us from getting our brains blown out. A law that prohibits us from driving under the influence of some intoxicating substance is going to reduce the risk of plowing our car headlong into a telephone pole. But when people are doing right and don't want to be corrected, the very rules that are there to protect us are going to be in their way. And since they're walking around in spiritual darkness, they're going to stub their toe, and it's going to hurt.

Trust me, God doesn't want us tripping and stumbling through life. He doesn't want us to screw up and get hurt. But when we rebel against Him, He's going to make sure we feel the sting of our own stupidity. That's what discipline is about! Loving parents discipline their children, don't they? If He were to let us continue in our rebellion, our lives would only get worse. That isn't love. It's better to be allowed to experience the consequences of our actions before our actions become so out of control that the consequences consume us.

We all know people who have spent years in prison because they refuse to straighten up. Or people who feel like the whole world is against them, so they destroy their lives with drugs and alcohol. Maybe they're rich, maybe they're poor, it doesn't matter. Rebellion is an equal opportunity offender. 

What does it take for someone to clean up their act and start living with standards that help us succeed in love and life? Ask anybody you know, and you'll likely hear the oft-repeated phrase "they have to hit rock bottom." Why? What happens when they hit the bottom? Well, if it doesn't kill them (and it often does),  they figure out that there is only one way to go... Up. And that's where God's tender mercy comes into focus.

God's discipline may be harsh, His punishment is often painful. But without it, we just keep spiraling out of control. He wants us to come to a point where we will recognize that He is our only hope, our only way out of troubled waters... our only salvation! And He wants us to cling to the life-line that he is throwing out there for us.

If you're in the middle of your rebellious era right now, let this be your bottom. Seriously. Our box is only as deep as we draw it. You don't have to hit a brick wall doing 90 miles per hour to hit bottom. You don't have to be sentenced to life in prison to hit bottom. You don't have to lose your home and your family to hit bottom. You can set the boundaries wherever you want. You can draw the bottom of the box right where you stand, and step out into a love that will always welcome you into it.